"Stop fidgeting." 
     "I'm not fidgeting." 
     "Yes you are. Now stop it!" 
     "." 
     "." 
     "." 
     "You're fidgeting again." 
     "I am not!" 
     "You're fiddling with your hair! That's fidgeting!" 
     "I'm not fiddling with it! I'm fixing it! It's getting all
frizzy." 
     "Oh, for.It looks fine! Your hair looks just fine! Now stop
playing with it. It makes you look vapid." 
     "Okay! Okay! You didn't have to snap at me." 
     "Look, I'm sorry, okay?" 
     "." 
     "Fine then, be that way." 
     "."   
     "." 
     "Are you sure it looks fine?" 
     "." 
     "Okay, okay.you don't have to give me that look.forget it."

     "Sorry.yeah, it looks fine. I'm sorry I'm being this way.I'm
just nervous." 
     "It's okay.I know how you feel. I mean, here we are, getting
our first assignments for the 3WA!" 
     "Yeah.now, stop fidgeting before I bash you." 
     "Jerk." 
 
Expository Publications Presents. 
     "God, I hope we don't end up having to do desk work or
something." 
     "I know. Well, don't sweat it. The odds of that are pretty
slim, actually. We'll probably end up doing basic patrols or
something.pretty tame stuff, most likely." 
An original work of fanfiction by Captain Exposition. 
"Do you think this thing is too tight?" 
     "Natsumi, that's your academy uniform. They wouldn't have let
you wear it for two years if it was in any way indecent." 
     "I know that, but I still think this blouse is a little tight.
Hmmm.Maybe they grew. Do you think they grew?" 
     "I can't believe I'm having this conversation." 
Featuring the Dirty Pair in. 
     "Okay.here we are.stay cool, girl.are you cool?" 
     "I am cool." 
     "Right. Well.here we go then. What we've been waiting for."

     "Yeah.are you ready?" 
     "As I'll ever be. Let's go then." 
The Dirty Pair: Double Vision 
 
Cycle One 
 
      The elevator doors slid open on a silent puff of air, and two
very pretty girls stepped out. They exited the elevator car into
a bustling office, filled with busy-looking people rushing back and
forth from room to room carrying documents, computer readouts,
palm-computers, or just a panicked expression. A number of these
people paused to look at the newcomers, the women with curiosity,
and the men with admiration. And their admiring glances were
justified. 
     The girl on the left was a very shapely five-foot-eight, with
bubble-gum pink hair that swept down to mid-back before curling
daintily at the ends. A paler pink streak ran through the middle
of her glossy hair. She was fair-skinned and very pretty in a
preoccupied, slightly distracted way. Behind wide, machine-gunner
style glasses a pair of intelligent green eyes watched the hustle
and bustle of the office with frank curiosity. When her eyes met
those of one of the watching men, she flicked her eyes over them
as if trying to decide what to make of them, and then darted off
disinterestedly.  
     The one on the right was shorter, perhaps five-foot-six, but
just as pretty as her taller companion. She had a rather cute face,
somewhat pale but obviously used to smiling. Her own hair was
cropped short in a sort of long pixy cut, glossy black with a
streak of brilliant cerulean blue in the longer bangs on either
side of her face, where the hair fell just below her ears. Her eyes
were the gray of gunmetal, and boldly met those of any of the men
who gawked at her as they passed. One man met her eyes, and as he
did, she winked at him languidly. He began to smile rather
foolishly, right up until he walked headlong into a mail cart. Both
girls rolled their eyes. 
     Both of them were dressed in the standard uniform of a female
3WA trainee; knee-length navy skirt, white blouse, and navy jacket,
three-quarters buttoned. Each also wore a laminated ID badge
clipped to her jacket proclaiming her name, rank and an
identification bar code for the security systems. The pink-haired
girl's badge read, "Tenjo, Sakura: Agent, Third Class". The shorter
girl's badge read similarly, stating, "Ogawa, Natsumi: Agent, Third
Class".  
     After a few uncomfortable moments while they met public
scrutiny, a secretary stood up at a desk to their left and asked,
"Can I help you ladies?" The pink-haired girl nodded and replied,
"Yes, we're here to see Director Foley. We're being expected." 
     The secretary nodded and asked for their names. After they
stated them and pointed to their ID cards, the secretary spoke
briefly into a headset. She listened for a few moments, nodding
slowly, then looked up at them. "Go right on in," She said to them,
"Go down the hall on the left, last door on the right side of the
hall." The two girls bowed politely and walked briskly down the
hall. 
     When they reached the door in question, they paused to bolster
their courage. They read the brass plate on the door. It read,
"Victor Foley, Director of Human Resources". Both girls silently
noted that the door and its frame appeared to have been shot at a
number of times, all of the holes filled and painted over. The
pink-haired girl, Tenjo, glanced at her shorter friend. Ogawa was
lazily blowing a large white bubble with a wad of chewing gum.
Tenjo stared. "Is that chewing gum?" She demanded incredulously.
Ogawa stared at her and nodded wordlessly. Tenjo pressed her mouth
into a thin, hard line and pointed at an ashtray by the door. "Spit
that out!" She commanded. Ogawa shrugged and turned Tenjo's hand
over. Opening the fingers, she noisily ejected the well-chewed gum
into her friend's hand. She smiled sweetly as she closed Tenjo's
fingers around the squishy mass. The taller girl stared down at her
hand and turned slightly green. 
     As she flicked it from her hand, she whispered, "Remind me to
hit you really, really hard later." She knocked on the door, three
short, sharp raps. As they waited, each girl pictured the Director
in her own mind. Tenjo pictured a tall, acetic man with a piercing
gaze, silver hair, and strong, sure hands. He would have a low,
firm voice and would wear wire-rimmed glasses that gleamed when he
spoke. 
     In Ogawa's mind, the Director appeared as a tall, shadowy
figure wrapped in a dark cloak, who sat on a massive throne while
spirits swirled around him. He would have a mighty rumbling voice,
and would point dramatically at them as he said, in dramatically
archaic speech. 
    "What is it?!" The girls looked at each other worriedly. The
voice that spoke sounded frazzled, raw, and anxious. From within,
the voice issued again. "Get in here!" They looked at each other
again, shrugged, and opened the door. 
     The office within was large to be sure, but made up for this
by being the messiest room either of them had ever seen. Every
surface available held piles of paper, empty coffee cups, instant
noodle bowls, and a variety of other bric-a-bracs. Two television
monitors flashed random newsfeeds at thirty-second intervals. Three
computer terminals were on, each set to a different program or
function. And at the eye of the storm was a long metal desk, also
covered in at least four inches of loose paper. Sitting at it was
a man. He was short, no more than five-foot-two. He was rotund,
virtually bald, and had red-rimmed eyes with large black circles
under them. A cigarette was caught in a deathgrip between his jaws.
As they entered he looked up and glared at them. "Are you Tenjo and
Ogawa?!" They nodded. He jerked his head towards a pair of chairs
studded with cigarette burns and coffee stains. "Good. Siddown."
He pointed at the gaping door and bellowed, "And shut that door!"
The two girls practically scrambled over each other to shut the
door first. 
     Once the door was shut and they were sitting, the Director
seemed to calm down a little. He fished a pair of tan dossiers from
the jumble on his desk and opened them. The girls tensed as he
began to read aloud. "Humph.you girls made quite the ruckus over
in the Academy. Let's see.both Lucien genetic upgrades.both
graduated with honors from Meizuiru University.both applied and
were accepted in the A-group applicant pool to Takachiho Military
Academy." He looked up at them. "I take it you two are good friends
then." 
     Tenjo nodded and answered. "Yes sir. We met during freshman
orientation at Meizuiru and have sort of stuck together since."
Foley grunted and continued reading aloud. "At Takachiho you both
maintained grades in the top one percent of your class.impressive.
According to this, you two tied for third place in final exams.
Good job." Ogawa smiled. "Well sir," She said, "They hadn't posted
grades when we left for here, but we had a pretty good feeling
about our scores. If I may ask sir, who placed second and first?"
Tenjo poked her in the side, eliciting a yelp. Foley waved it off
and answered, "It's alright, I admire that sort of competitive
edge. For you information Agent Ogawa, second place was taken by
a certain Miss  
Ami Mizuno IV. First place went to one Frederick Dalton." Both
girls nodded thoughtfully. They remembered both of those students.
Mizuno came from a long line of intellectuals, all of whom had
served one government or another. Dalton was a tall and vaguely
sinister boy who, though unpleasant and arrogant, was
unquestionably a genius. Word around the Academy had been that he
had already had a spot reserved for him at the BTR, the Bureau of
Technological Regulation. This came as no surprise to most, as the
majority of the student body agreed that he would be an ideal
spook. 
      "This is most impressive." Foley continued reading their
files. "I see you both excelled in combat training, both real time
and slow time. Tenjo, I have to say, even I am impressed by your
scores on the artillery range. Where the hell did you learn to fire
an anti-aircraft cannon so well?" Tenjo blushed and said demurely,
"Oh, I guess I just have a knack for it.Sir." Foley nodded and
continued reading. He paused at something in Ogawa's dossier. He
looked up at her with his brow wrinkled curiously. "Ogawa," He
asked, "Why is there a recommendation here by your vehicular
instructor that you never be allowed behind the wheel of anything
bigger than a tricycle without proper supervision present?" This
time it was Ogawa's turn to turn red. "I.I just have a tendency to,
um.crashthevehicles." This last phrase came out in an embarrassed
jumble. Foley raised an eyebrow. Tenjo glared at her friend and
supplied, "What she means, sir, is that she had more than enough
enthusiasm behind the wheel of the training vehicles, and often
lets said enthusiasm take control, to the detriment of the
vehicles." 
     Foley shot her an amused look. "Thank you Agent Tenjo. The
next time I want your help interpreting one of my employee's words,
I will ask you." Tenjo flushed and muttered an apology. Before she
could be further embarrassed, an intercom balanced precariously on
a pile of papers buzzed. Foley jabbed at the button and snapped,
"What is it?!" His secretary, long used to his abrupt manner,
replied smoothly, "Mr. Foley, the Lovely Angels are here." Foley
twitched slightly, an action he seemed to be totally unaware of.
"Send them in." He leaned back in his chair and drew a blue bottle
from one of the drawers on his desk. Tenjo and Ogawa recognized it
as a popular brand of liquid antacid. To their amazement and alarm
he opened it and began slugging at it as if it were a bottle of
water. 
     After a long swig he exhaled and glared at the two new agents.
"I take it you two have heard of the Lovely Angels?" The girls
paused, then shook their heads. The name did seem vaguely familiar
though. 
     Foley twitched again and continued, "Of course, they are
usually known by their public-given nickname.the Dirty Pair." Both
girls made simultaneous noises of surprise. Tenjo blinked and said,
rather succinctly, "Ack." Ogawa paled and said, equally succinctly,
"Gleep." Foley nodded in commiseration. "Did you know stress makes
you go bald?" They stared at him dumbly, brains still locked in
deep-freeze. "Well it can!" He snapped. He took another swig of
antacid. It was then that his door flew open. 
     Like a henna-haired tornado of bouncy energy and.other bouncy
things, 3WA troubleshooter Kei trooped into the office dressed in
a black men's suit, complete with dark tie, white oxford, and black
leather gloves. She knocked a pile of papers to the floor, much to
Foley's irritation, and sat on the corner of his desk. "Hiya
Foley!" She chirped, "Howya been?" He glared at her with what could
best be described as the expression of a man eyeing a vial of
nitroglycerine held in an unstable clamp. 
     Following in the aftermath of Kei's entrance was her more
discreet, and in this case more normally dressed partner, Yuri.
Yuri entered wearing a sensible blouse and skirt combo and an
embarrassed smile. "Er, hello Director Foley.sorry about Kei." As
she shut the door, she spied Tenjo and Ogawa sitting and watching
them like they were snakes of a particularly lethal variety who had
happened to escape from a zoo. She smiled at them and asked, "Oh,
hello there. Director, if I may ask sir, who are your pretty
guests? New recruits?" Kei blinked and noticed the two girls for
the first time. "Oh," She said, "Hey! Are you two new victims, I
mean, new employees?" 
     Foley grunted and leaned forward in his chair. "I'm glad you
girls asked that. Because," He took a slow puff on his rapidly
diminishing cigarette and said, "You two will be working with these
two newbies for a few months. Kei, Yuri, say hello to Sakura Tenjo
and Natsumi Ogawa. Your new partners." Four voices rang out in
identical shouts. "WHAT? PARTNERS?!" 
     Foley leaned back and grinned savagely. He said, "Yep. I have
you girls' next assignment, and I want you to take along these two
young ladies, show them the ropes. It ought to keep you two out of
trouble too, while you're at it." Yuri stared at her boss in
dismay. "But.but sir, they're just Third-Classes! Barely out of the
Academy! You can't possibly expect us to carry them for an entire
assignment!" She glanced at Ogawa and Tenjo and smiled, saying,
"Nothing personal." Over mutters of, "None taken" and "Don't sweat
it", Yuri went on, "Why not assign them to someone else? Someone
a little less busy, maybe." 
     Foley shook his head, obviously enjoying this immensely. "No
dice Agent Yuri. They applied to be field troubleshooters, just
like you two. They are also a team, and both females. You are the
only other all-female team I have. Frankly, I think they can learn
a lot from you.slaughtering civilians, decimating cities, costing
me money and years off of my life." 
     Kei had had enough. She slammed her hand down on his desktop
and leaned forward until she was about an inch from Foley's face.
"What gives? What did we ever do to you to deserve this.this
babysitting job?" Foley, utterly unimpressed, replied wryly, "You
mean aside from ruining my life, shredding my career and wreaking
havoc on my nervous system? Look, I am serious about this! I think
these girls show a lot of promise, but they need guidance. And if
one looks beyond the fact that you two are psychotic, ultra-violent
bimbettes." He ignored twin cries of "Hey!" and concluded, "You're
both damn good agents. They could really benefit from this, if you
don't get them killed, that is. And if it helps any, this is a
direct order."  
     The staring match between Foley and Kei went on for several
more seconds before Kei finally gave up and leaned back. She
crossed her arms in front of her chest and grumped somewhat
huffily. "Fine. Whatever. We'll guide them by the hands and change
their diapers.but I don't want to have to do this again. Ever."
Foley held his hand up and said, "Hey, no promises there. But if
you do well on this, it could reflect very well on you come
evaluation time, get it?" Kei snorted. "I repeat, whatever. Now
gimme my mission so I can get the hell out of here." 
     Foley held out a plain CD to them. "Contact me if you have any
questions." Yuri took the disk and gave a polite bow. "Yes sir.
Thank you." She turned to go. Kei glared at Ogawa and Tenjo. "Come
on, you two." 
     The two new agents stood to follow as Kei and Yuri exited the
office. When they turned to go, Foley called out to them. They
turned to look at him. He toasted them with his bottle of antacid.
"Good luck, you two. You'll need it." They made identical "ack"
noises and trooped out into the hallway. There they joined their
new partners. 
      Kei held a finger under Tenjo's nose. "Listen you two!" She
snapped, "We'll get along fine as long as you remember a few basic
rules. One: Kei is God. Treat her as such. Two: As God, Kei must
be obeyed at all times. And Three: Kei does not like having more
than one partner, so stay outta my way!" With this she stomped off,
stopping only to kick a passing mail-boy into a wall. Yuri watched
her raging partner storm off with a large sweatdrop standing out
on her head. Smiling somewhat embarrassedly she said to Tenjo and
Ogawa, "Sorry about Kei.she gets a little grumpy whenever we come
into port for an assignment. It isn't really you. But just the
same, for the duration of the mission, try to stay in the
background and just watch what we do, okay? Right then, let's go
collect your things and have them loaded on our ship!"  
     This said, she walked off down the hall in the direction of
Kei, or rather the noise of Kei savaging some unoffending employee
who had had the misfortune to admire her for more than the
.5-second limit. Tenjo and Ogawa just stood there and stared after
the two legendary troubleshooters. Without looking at her, Tenjo
said, "Natsumi-chan?" 
     "Yes, Sako-chan?" 
     "I want my guns." 
     "I know. This is gonna suck." 
     "Yeah." 
     This issue clarified, they went after the two girls whose
hands their lives would be in for the next several months. 
 
 
To be continued in Cycle Two